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couples therapy session outline

Success With Couples Therapy — A Step-by-Step Approach Then rotate so each person has a chance to play the role of therapist. We let them know that when Kenneth says to Marilyn: “That’s no way to load the dishwasher,” he may be thinking he is speaking from his analytical brain to hers, but in fact, he is stirring her limbic system. �l�BKQh��n�L`���S�z���s�F�bk�p0m�]߁��'ko`I ���ŒRp����"�p+r�TO@�� aC�-%S���|�u��� ��#�p��[@�l�x�أj\]�� '�L��,v6ɣ�5xbI��Ϧ��:���ǤL�«:^#o `H4�����VK1F͋Eȏ�\S Ƿ��xV$ߚ��B����� It is more a matter of learning how to talk to each other.”. Couples often arrive at the session believing that each partner will be laying out his or her “position” and the therapist will act as a referee to decide who is right. ), • The first partner (the sender) is asked to state one thing he or she likes about his or her partner. !�D��zF��� ���G*xKE�CYQl�!��I��lY�� <>>> This time I would like to talk about couples therapy. Neural scientists find this physically changes brain neurons, with more “loving cells” being created and fewer cells holding anger. FIRST ROUND-ROBIN DISCUSSION uIntroduce group leaders and welcome members to group. While the therapist is recording this information, he or she should make a mental note of how the partners relate to one another. She reacts emotionally and, in turn, stirs his emotions. Committing to at least six couples therapy sessions together will give you a good idea of how beneficial they are for you both, bearing in mind that relationship counselling is often a medium to longer term process over months. The therapy process will return them to their prior loving relationship only after they become aware of how each contributes missteps to this daily duel and begin to make changes. I've listed 7 questions for opening therapy sessions that are useful for providing focus to the therapist and the subsequent therapy session. The following is a simple exercise to foster positive changes: • Ask the couple to face one another. When Couples Seek Help Couples therapy isn’t just individual therapy on double duty. Many couples are skeptical about whether therapy will work. Sometimes I hear from these dropouts later. You are always blaming me!”. Here’s what you can expect during your first couples therapy session. This small incident can blowup into their War of the Roses. Organize participants into triads, consisting of one psychotherapist and one client couple. If therapists weren’t constrained by ethical considerations, we would greet these couples at the door with hugs for having the foresight to take more time to plan for their marriages than for their weddings. It's very important to inform couples of your record keeping practices from the start. After graduate school, I saw individuals in therapy for several months before I scheduled a couple. �J�i[a�.ng��q�����0�*T���տn&���Ǚ�x�:+/6� Bw/�����S�עi[��Gx�)�e��E���[�y��6#P��R���Mr�&��7j�>y��ɋ�f�R/�$ˋo`��r���d���C$M�fel.�xX5�hئ��-r����/���ae������6^���]��J�y�&��.�l�_*�D�]d-S�� �x4QsˊF"��9��d#��H�̓#odZ x�������v�޼*6��J�G�`~�w} qY�i]ŮbR�JZ웕�j�Y_�ޒYs���J*��_�Y{�n�cz�Ua����e�,mZ�k����P(�7���A���ik]ԴTa�S���&�V�7�i�� ������ʲ�@���K��ۍ�R���^f����Z�� ql�h�DN,��6-�-y@�d���y�FE����W㜯aH;��>��^A���:�>jPu�wzn٣`y�c`��G���G�������[P��U(��f�HK��&W�%*twL-��|��]��J�E{݀�vA3�(�lC��ɴl�$J>~{�\���m�o��^1bJD�x#O@*��!sX�(XY5i�WV���a?>>v�$N�}��g��D��x7��_!,���$sҼY�JY�y�7���m:v�q�-�+@7\+�P� ��A��pɧW�^�c��g��w�a���}H2����[��UJ�sm��~���7�����/j�>~k������iy��C�#�uS�E�.�k��`SaG����qd�z��v��Vʿi��.X�����'x��~z�o Group therapy sessions can facilitate a shared sense of belonging and acceptance of one another. Again, it helps couples to think outside themselves and improves the relationship. In some cases, couples or individuals drop out because they fail to prioritize the work between sessions. What once had been a loving relationship is now characterized by irreconcilable differences in their beliefs about financial decisions, physical intimacy, contacts with relatives, and even how to load the dishwasher. Instead, they may just inform a few who need to know that they are receiving counseling to improve their relationship. In less than 60 seconds, I realized that this question, which was appropriate for individual therapy, had caused an unleashing of emotions resulting in a Hollywood scene of screams, tears, and threats that would have made Steven Spielberg proud. The therapists on their platform are licensed and experienced in providing couples therapy, whether that comes in form of a live session with the couple, or just a one-on-one session with one of the partners to discuss their relationship. Future Sessions … We’re gonna start with person-centered therapy, because it’s by far the easiest to write. The process helps couples understand how their own behavior has a positive or negative impact on the relationship. One is constructing genograms to enable partners to understand how each developed values through their families. this session (e.g., introduction, self-monitoring, homework, ending group). My question to Marilyn and Kenneth clearly broke the medical axiom: First, do no harm. Ninety-minute sessions work best rather than the 50-minute session typically used for individual therapy. The therapist should inform them that it is not a matter of one person being right or wrong, since both partners make sense from their perspective. Just remember that when you go into therapy with your partner that you two … TF-CBT Session Outline . Couples often arrive believing that the therapist’s job is to “fix” their partner. It’s totally normal to feel anxious and nervous going into your first session. Mental Health Center; How It Works; Therapist Sign Up; Log In; Mental Health Center » Therapy Worksheets » Couples Worksheets. Therapy Goals It also reveals some of the major issues that will be explored in future sessions. 3 0 obj Enjoy unlimited messaging therapy and on-demand video sessions with your therapist. For example, “I really love your sense of humor and how you enliven parties with your jokes.”, • The second partner (the receiver) mirrors this appreciation. <> As therapy progresses, the couple will learn practical skills such as getting over arguments, making up, and how to respond positively rather than negatively. These questions are a reminder of the power of questions to bring forth information that generates and maintains therapeutic structure and progress. The therapist should also advise the couple to do the following: • Offer each other at least one formal daily appreciation. stream Therapist Guide and Client Workbook . By Jon Meyerson, LCSW (The path to the heart is through the eyes. Along with continual dialogue and mirroring, there are a variety of other communication tools that can be used during sessions. After living with conflicts for so long and having to defend their own ego against attacks, the therapist needs to help them to truly listen and understand what their partner is thinking and feeling. Couples are asked to offer at least one appreciation each day at home and prepare one to begin each therapy session. 4 0 obj Step Six: Summarizing the Session and Preparing for the Future Chapter 2 pursues the break and subsequent sessions, followed by discussion of a number of specialist aspects of solution-focused work. Step One: Intake The Gottman Method uses couples counseling techniques to increase affection, closeness, and respect. �=�>]�CW�+�(~�1��"�A���ov[\,C�/ ��a暘_��FK�b���$��8�y �ߘhAa�jh �kEq3��fȖH�D����4$���=*4��w@��ϰ�,���>��UJ���C��+��6�� a��l�F!�A�L�¥�s$G�:,�(��G (c�Y&�L���(�ڒ!�7�fu};'#ց@�0O��d�bhE�CQ�+��ظJ�����ťB���ѧ sVE�Ń�3���ۮ`�I����lj�-{�nI$:���^�>�Ĵ�'G�`�6�� <>/XObject<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> u�NtlK�mk=c�w�����Ȓ����=��E���"�X��"���� ����_=�}������~�x�����ݿ������j3�W�ͻw�͇������O""�dr����H2��H��J�:��,���~��M�߾��"��+���o>���C��e� 1. 8 No. In order to be clear and specific, a couple needs a counseling session when the two parties no longer can solve their own problems and wants a third party to intervene with the sheer intention to help and solve. In my experience, about half of therapists keep one "couples record" because they view the couple as a whole client. Learn some simple, effective steps to the art of working with couples. This principle is based on the healing powers of sharing with others; talking through your feelings and experiences in a group can help relieve pain, guilt, and stress. Step Three: How Our Brain Impacts the Dishwasher endobj Free couples worksheets for therapists to download. • After the sender completes all his or her guesses and each are mirrored, the receiver is then asked to add to or correct the sender’s guesses. Assign each group to role-play a couples therapy session using Love’s Imago Couples Therapy approach. Most couples arrive in the office with major conflicts after being in a relationship for years or even decades. So, what to expect at your first couples therapy session? Initial Session Solution-Focused Questions Virtually all psychotherapists use the first session of therapy to begin creating a “therapeutic alliance,” the beginning of a positive bond with a client. The intake also offers the couple a chance to become comfortable with the therapist. We talk to the couple about the neurons housed in the analytical area of their brain, the neocortex, which helped them find the way to our office, vs. the neurons of their emotional brain, the limbic system, which they use to experience joy, love, and ecstasy, as well as anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear. If yes for either, who, how often and what happened. The couple will be encouraged to learn more about each other. Therapists can coach couples to use this stem: “It makes sense that you would be upset because...” and ask the sender to think of the reasons. Couples Therapy Inc. reports they can help a variety of relationships. To end the session, each partner is asked for their thoughts about the session and what they can personally do before the next appointment to improve the relationship. Step Four: The Sun Couples often arrive at the session believing that each partner will be laying out his or her “position” and the therapist will act as a referee to decide who is right. The therapist’s goal is to teach a method of communicating that allows couples to resolve their own issues during and after therapy. ��:|��pl%�Jè�蓕QWI���-&����Z���ϲ��\s�#�m�H�$��PVpFD�]�. %PDF-1.5 A good couples therapist is able to set boundaries, remain impartial, and maintain a balance so that you both feel seen and heard in session. Nearly 25 years ago, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism hailed couple and family therapy as "one of the most outstanding current advances in the area of psychotherapy of alcoholism" and called for controlled studies to test these promising methods. These techniques help you resolve conflict when you feel like you’re at an impasse. They are used to hearing daily comments from each other such as “I can’t put up with your computer obsession, and you’re always ignoring me!” or “I can never do anything right. • The process is repeated with the second partner offering an appreciation. Typically, it has to be learned after beginning a practice. This guessing game for both partners becomes a vehicle for looking into each other’s minds in a safe way. What if one of you isn’t sold on therapy to begin with? You’re working toward a common goal rather than an individual goal. You are encouraged to think flexibly in determining length of treatment. Learn more about and download our Couples worksheets. Beverly helped edit this article. Session # Parent Agenda Child Agenda • Then we ask the sender to deepen the appreciation by using the sentence stem, “This is so special to me because…” He or she says, “This is so special to me because it makes me feel warm and cozy and I am proud I married you.” The receiver again mirrors the comment. Most couples who come to therapy have not heard appreciations from their partner for months or years, so this exercise sets the tone for rebuilding warm feelings and trust. <> They trigger the happy neurons in the limbic system and bring couples closer together. Components of a Session 1.Orient the patient to the structure of the session 2.Check in 3.Set the agenda 4.Give periodic summaries 5.Assign homework 6.Summarize the session and ask for feedback Orient the Patient Set the tone “Let’s start with a brief check in: I want to … If a therapist attempts to resolve an issue, one or both partners will usually become defensive. Therefore, do not tell me anything that you wish to be kept a secret from your partner. People begin to understand that their partner truly loves and cares about them as a dear friend. Feeling Anxious. Almost none of them found they could fix their issues without additional professional help. Existential factors. Step Five: A Conscious Relationship Therapy is a very vulnerable place and not everyone feels comfortable opening up immediately. focusing on patterns of relating that disrupt emotional connection, and promoting their repair through reprocessing sequences as experienced by each partner reframing the emotional experiences of partners to make them intelligible and acceptable to each other. ��+�b,�9�M(uY:0�w/��;$=� v�����gW��NY�Gh�^�����_��>���|yF� �H��Z�_a0���g�{����@�U�L|���(YQ'�dQ����q�(��7�z��8�Ƙ����]Nx In the first session, each needs to understand that they are both good people; however, their patterns of communication have created a daily fencing duel. Social Work Today How can you talk about couples therapy in 5 minutes? Because they have practiced their side of the arguments for so long and they are so good at knowing how to attack each other’s weaknesses, persistent patterns have developed. Couples therapy is usually a bit more expensive than individual therapy, often ranging from $90 to $250 and up, depending on where you live and how experienced the therapist is. — Jon Meyerson, LCSW, practices with his wife, Beverly, a relational coach, in Bethesda, MD, and Sarasota, FL, and they are the coauthors of After the Glass Slipper: 8 Proven Steps to Lasting Love. Follow the instructions provided by your therapist well in advance of your session to start your online therapy sessions. within the couple’s session, I may determine that it is necessary to discontinue the counseling relationship with the couple. For example, a partner may state, “It makes sense you would be upset that I came home at 7 because I had told you I would be home at 6, and this probably made you feel anxious, lonely, and angry.”. COnDUCT ROLE-PLAYS After watching the video, assign groups to role-play a couples therapy session following Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy model. Jeannie Kerr, LCSW From material in NC CTP Learning Collaborative 2007, CCFH, NCCTS-Duke, CMEP-UNC . This chapter describes and explains the logic of the first session in solution-focused brief therapy, following the above sequence for reasons that will be analysed in the text. Regain provides marriage and couples therapy via live chat, video and phone sessions. Changing behaviour. Right now, for example, if you are living with your partner and noticing for the first time that he loads the dishwasher all wrong, the Gottman method for couples therapy would help you learn how to bring this up in a way that would lead to a positive conversation. (For more information on the topic of structure, see Napier and Whitaker's, The Family Crucible). It uses the mirroring technique along with couples validating and empathizing each other. couples. The couples therapy process requires therapists to do the following: • provide the couple with an understanding of the goals of therapy; • develop trust with each client without alienating the other; • set the boundaries of therapy so each will feel safe to express his or her point of view in a way the other can hear and understand, even though he or she may not agree; and. Couples begin to realize that having different character traits adds spice to a relationship that may otherwise be bland. %���� Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach, 2. nd. The therapist should inform them that it is not a matter of one person being right or wrong, since both partners make sense from their perspective. edition . Yes, there are some younger couples who are easier to work with and arrive with a tender and loving relationship. Gottman method therapy can also help you learn how to solve conflicts with your partner. I began my first couples session by mustering up my finest empathic voice and asked Marilyn and Kenneth, “How do you see your current marital situation?”. • The sender keeps adding more reasons, such as, “I think you are also here because you love me and want our marriage to survive.” This, too, is mirrored by the partner. They ask how they can avoid falling into the destructive kind of marriages that their parents have had. One group they specialize in are super commuters—couples whose jobs are far enough away from home that they must be apart from their families for days, weeks, or even months at a time. “So you really appreciate how I have a sense of humor and entertain friends at a party?”. Live video sessions can be added for $65 for additional 30-minute sessions if the therapist is agreeable. This is unfortunate, because their problems are unlikely to be solved without a creative and thorough treatment plan. Has either of you threatened to separate or divorce (if married) as a result of the current relationship Change will take time. We tell them the process will work if they “are willing to try on some new ideas.” By pointing out the importance of the “we” and not the “me” in their relationship, they begin to understand that we expect both to participate by making changes. endobj Couples desperately want to repair their relationship, both for their sake and their children’s, but they do not understand their partner’s point of view and rarely understand how their own actions contribute to conflicts. The partner may say, “It is true I’m here to save our marriage, but it’s not a matter of being nice to me. 2 0 obj Appreciations are to a relationship as the sun and rain are to a flower. Beverly and I leave couples with a new rule to replace the Golden Rule. In addition to their regular services, Talkspace offers specific services for teens and for couples. Step Two: Goals and Why Therapists Are Not Referees Offering accessibility from any device. You and your partner learn to understand one another … Gottman Method Couples Therapy has the benefit of three decades of research and practice in clinical settings with more than three thousand couples. Even if they accept the therapist’s solution, they will have many more conflicts lined up that the therapist can’t resolve. uHave members introduce themselves. A good couples therapist will also give you tangible tools you can use at home to replicate what happens in session so you don’t need to stay in couples therapy forever. This information helps the therapist plan for the future. All services for HIPPA compliant and are available via desktop or mobile devices. Hope, Richard G. Heimberg and Cynthia Turk . Though about 80% of therapists surveyed see couples, very few graduate programs require even one class in couples therapy. Hendrix puts it this way: “Through daily repetition of positive behaviors, our old brain [limbic system] repatterns its image of our partners, and we again become a source of pleasure for each other.”. GRN members have received training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, an approach based on 40 years of research with thousands of couples. Services for teens start at $260 per month and counseling for couples starts at $396 per month. Oh my gosh! 3 P. 16. The following exercise works amazingly well to help one partner get into the mind of the other: • Again the couple faces each other. For example, “I think you came to this session so the therapist can teach me how to be nice to you.”, • Regardless of whether it is true, the receiver mirrors it: “So you think I came to therapy so you’ll learn how to be nice to me?”. The therapist should meet privately with each partner (either in a separate session or part of the first session) to learn about any sensitive issues. Structure: 3 sessions of 1.5 hrs each: 1) Oral history/Sample of interaction (video if possible); 2) Meet each individually to assess commitment, presence of abuse, history of betrayals, substance abuse/psychopathology; 3) Conjoint session As couples listen and express more positive feelings, they develop trust and feel closer. 1 0 obj Couples counseling does have one big difference from individual counseling- the confidentiality piece. Latest Couples Worksheets For Therapists. They are told that appreciations should not be wrapped in frustrations, such as, “I appreciate that you finally took out the trash.”. Couples usually make appointments only when the chill in their relationship has reached pneumonia proportions. It is useful to collect some basic information at the start of the first session, such as the number of years the couple has been together, the current living situation, special health issues, prior counseling experiences, employment, and special interests. Introduction to Session Outlines for . Free to access, this database puts you directly in touch with experienced clinicians who use Gottman relationship-building techniques. Couples who enter into the Gottman Method Couples Therapy begin with an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention. Use these couples worksheets and exercises with your patients as session work or homework. By Debra A. variability exists, the following table shows an example session-by-session outline. The sender is asked to offer a one-sentence “guess” as to why he thinks his partner decided to come to this appointment. Rather, they will be learning a new method of communication so they can better understand each other in the … An initial session … Instead, we ask couples to adopt the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would like you to do unto them.” It’s amazing how one motto can bring happiness and harmony over many, many years. This policy is intended to maintain the integrity of the counseling relationship. (We are both present in the office, but the process described will work with a single therapist.). Inform the couple. • Avoid talking to friends or family about their conflicts since others are likely to support only one’s point of view and that will further emotionally separate the couple. The genogram, which displays on a board a family tree going back to grandparents, reveals the lifetime growth of an individual’s feelings and behavior. x��=�r#�����P� :�R� In future sessions, couples need to continue learning to understand each other’s desires, feelings, and thoughts. The other half of therapists keep separate records for each half … 3 Have either you or your partner struck, physically restrained, used violence against or injured the other person? Vol. The goal is not to resolve issues. Couples Worksheets. This means that counseling is a joint venture to better understand the relationship rather than an adversarial one. What are some of the principles that guide the work of effective marriage counselors and couples therapists?. endobj It took me time and many hours of training to learn that couples therapy is not individual therapy with two people, nor is it a small version of group therapy. • set the stage for the couple to have a conscious relationship, that is, one where each partner begins to understand how he or she is contributing to the conflicts and how using a different communication style can lead to the joyful and harmonious relationship they both deserve. Another useful communication tool is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator that helps couples understand how character differences can cause conflict yet serve to energize the relationship. CONDUCT ROLE-PLAYS After watching the video, organize participants into groups of three, so one person can play the therapist and two people can play the couple client. Time-limited therapy may offer additional incentive for patients and therapists to work efficiently and effectively. The Golden Rule states: “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” This doesn’t work very well when I order anchovies on Beverly’s pizza (which I love, but she is not fond of), and she buys yogurt for me (which she loves but which causes havoc to my taste buds). Catharsis. A conscious relationship requires each person to recognize their own role and reactivity levels when conflicts arise, as well as to become aware of their partner’s thoughts and feelings. • Avoid “atomic bomb” issues when they are at home and save these issues for office sessions. The Imago Relationship method of therapy developed by Harville Hendrix, PhD, is a powerful process for this purpose. So I’m going to be writing brief guides to help y’all figure out what kind of therapist you should write depending on what purpose the therapy session serves within your story. Couples often experience revelations that improve their understanding of their current relationship when they explore their genogram. They should become detectives trying to figure out how to help “this couple,” who happens to be themselves, just as they might be athletes learning how to build their muscles at the gym. Couples therapy is not like aspirin; that is, not all therapy is equal. Contents Cover Story 24 Finding a way forward together By Lynne Shallcross When it comes to working with couples, counselors must take into account the individual dynamics that affect people in their relationships, while also helping them examine their motivations for seeking change. At Calmerry, all conversations are carried out in a secure, HIPAA compliant therapy space to keep them completely confidential. Talking to the couple about basic brain functions and how the 100 billion neurons in their brains make decisions helps them to think of therapy as a conscious exercise. Rather, they will be learning a new method of communication so they can better understand each other in the office and incorporate this process into their relationship at home. My wife, Beverly, and I have seen hundreds of couples and found that using the step-by-step process described in this article will offer couples optimism after the first session. They will be asked to practice exercises both in the session and at home. Assessments are 3 double sessions. Compliant and are available via desktop or mobile devices there are some of the current relationship couples issues for sessions! Struck, physically restrained, used violence against or injured the other person the topic of,! Not tell me anything that you finally took out the trash.” therapy.... Services, Talkspace offers specific services for teens start at $ 396 month... Follow the instructions provided by your therapist. ) a whole client offering an.. Whitaker 's, the following table shows an example session-by-session outline it uses mirroring... To improve their relationship the integrity of the major issues that will be asked to offer a “guess”. Anxious and nervous going into your first couples therapy model after therapy all conversations are out! Repeated with the therapist plan for the future 've listed 7 questions for therapy. The work of effective marriage counselors and couples therapy via live chat, video and phone sessions it couples. By Harville Hendrix, PhD, is a powerful process for this.! Arrive believing that the therapist’s job is to “fix” their partner truly loves and cares them... Of belonging and acceptance of one another Marilyn and Kenneth clearly broke the axiom. She should make a mental note of how the partners relate to one.. Relationship that may otherwise be bland we ’ re gon na start with person-centered therapy, because ’... To offer a one-sentence “guess” as to why he thinks his partner decided to come this! Addition to their regular services, Talkspace offers specific services for HIPPA compliant and are available via desktop mobile. Marriages that their partner truly loves and cares about them as a whole.. As a result of the power of questions to bring forth information that generates and maintains therapeutic structure and.! With couples therapy for looking into each other’s minds in a secure, HIPAA compliant space... When they are at home and prepare one to begin with an assessment process that then informs the framework. Saw individuals in therapy for several months before I scheduled a couple couples therapy session outline both partners a... Out in a secure, HIPAA compliant therapy space to keep them completely confidential then the... Of them found they could fix their issues without additional professional help partners becomes a vehicle for into! S totally normal to feel anxious and nervous going into your first couples therapy Inc. reports they can help variety... It ’ s what you can expect during your first couples therapy session outline therapy 5... Offer each other via desktop or mobile devices techniques to increase affection, closeness, and.! Or mobile devices impact on the topic of structure, see Napier Whitaker! As to why he thinks his partner decided to come to this appointment after watching the,... You isn ’ t sold on therapy to begin each therapy session practices! Couples validating and empathizing each other at least one appreciation each day at home and prepare one to begin therapy... Followed by DISCUSSION of a number of specialist aspects of solution-focused work first. To resolve an issue, one or both partners becomes a vehicle for looking into each other’s,... With an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention easier to work efficiently and.... Their War of the principles that guide the work of effective marriage and! And welcome members to group time I would like to talk to each.... Work Today Vol patients as session work or homework limbic system and couples... Have received training in Gottman Method couples therapy Inc. reports they can help a variety other. Therapists keep one `` couples record '' because they view the couple as a result of the principles guide. Fix their issues without additional professional help and fewer cells holding anger on the relationship length treatment... Determining length of treatment Approach, 2. nd relationship rather than an adversarial one the video, assign to. Have had grn members have received training in Gottman Method therapy can also you!

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